6 Snacks You Swear Are “for Guests” But Secretly Devour Alone

You know how it goes. You buy the “fancy” snacks because you might have company this weekend. You put them in the cart with every intention of being a gracious host, then wake up two days later surrounded by crumbs and regret.

It’s fine. We’ve all pretended the half-empty box was “opened by accident.” Here are the six “for guests” snacks that never survive long enough to meet a single guest.

Charcuterie Crackers That Deserved Better

You bought the artisanal rosemary crackers for your imaginary wine night with friends. The ones that come in a box with a French word you can’t pronounce. You pictured them artfully arranged beside brie and grapes, maybe even a drizzle of honey.

Then one night you opened them “just to try a few,” and next, you’re standing in front of the fridge dipping them straight into shredded cheese because the brie was “too much work.” Guests never saw those crackers, but your 11 p.m. self sure did.

The Good Hummus

There’s hummus, and then there’s the good hummus. You know, the fancy one with pine nuts on top and a label that looks like it went to private school. You told yourself you’d save it for when your friends come over.

Then you got hungry while scrolling your phone, grabbed a spoon, and now the container’s half gone. When people ask if you have any snacks, you mumble something about it “expiring early.” Truth is, the hummus was a short-lived but passionate love affair that ended with pita chip crumbs on your shirt.

The Box of “Assorted” Chocolates

A box of luxury chocolates was purchased under the noble pretense of “having something sweet to offer.” You even rehearsed the line: “Please, have one!” Except the only one doing the offering was you, to yourself, in bed, during an episode of a show you swore you wouldn’t binge.

You start by “just taking the weird flavors,” but it’s a full-blown chocolate crime scene within hours. When guests arrive, you’re left with one sad caramel no one wants. You might as well call it what it is: personal therapy wrapped in gold foil.

The Fancy Mixed Nuts

They cost more than your lunch, but you justified it because “people like options.” What people? You ate the cashews within 10 minutes of opening the tin, left the almonds to dry out, and pretended the Brazil nuts were “decorative.”

At first, it felt sophisticated, like you were the kind of person who reads about antioxidants. By day three, you’re shaking the can like a maraca hoping a single cashew falls out. The guests never came, but your sodium intake sure did.

That Cute Bag of Kettle Chips

You bought them because the bag had a rustic vibe, like something you’d serve in a farmhouse kitchen on a wooden platter. But instead of sharing them with guests, you tore the bag open the second you got home and ate them while standing at the counter like a raccoon who just discovered free Wi-Fi.

Every crunch feels like a promise broken. You tell yourself you’ll buy another bag “for next time,” but you know deep down, next time’s bag will meet the same delicious fate.

The Frozen Appetizers “Just in Case”

Those mini spanakopitas or cocktail meatballs were supposed to be your emergency backup plan for unexpected guests. You pictured yourself sliding them out of the oven just as the doorbell rings, looking like someone who has their life together. Instead, they became your

Tuesday night dinner after a long day, eaten off a paper towel while watching true-crime reruns. When friends actually do drop by, you pretend you “ran out.” Technically, you did, last week, when you dipped one in ranch and called it self-care.

Let’s be honest, no one’s judging you. Those snacks were never truly for the guests; they were for the version of you who thought they might have guests.

The one who imagined laughter in the kitchen, wine glasses clinking, and polite compliments about your snack board. But real life is different. Real life is eating prosciutto at midnight in pajama pants and calling it “charcuterie for one.”